Working Through The Worry

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At this point in my pregnancy, I find myself starting to fill with doubts and worry.

I don’t doubt that I will love this baby–My love for her is already out of this world.

I don’t doubt that I will be the best mother I can to this baby–Because of my love for her, I know that no matter what, I will put her needs before my own and give her every part of me.

I don’t doubt that I can handle a baby and a toddler–I’m an extremely determined person with an “I can do it myself” mentality, and I know that I have the willpower to push through. (That’s not to say it won’t be without difficulty or its many challenges!)

I doubt that I won’t be able to have the mother-baby bonding time that is needed (and wanted) in early infancy, while maintaining the close relationship I have with my daughter. I’m worrying that I won’t get that precious one-on-one time with my newborn, because I also have a toddler to take care of. I’m worrying that my daughter might feel jealous, replaced, neglected, or not as loved because her time with mommy is being divided with another little girl. I’m worrying that Savannah’s newborn time won’t be as precious as Charlotte’s, because I won’t have the same time to give her that I did with my first.

Add these worries together with pregnancy hormones, and this mama can’t handle it! I’ve talked with other mamas of multiples, and they have all assured me that my worries are very normal and most moms have experienced my same feelings. And, even though I know this, I still can’t help but continue to feel the way I do. Why can’t I trust that it will all work out? Why can’t I trust that I will get the time needed with my newborn? Why can’t I trust that Charlotte will understand that mommy needs to be with Savannah, and that I still love her just the same? Why can’t I trust that I can have a close relationship with this baby, while maintaining a close relationship with my little girl?

That’s where I have to realize that faith comes in. Obviously mamas all over have had multiple children, and love every minute of it, and they make it work. Clearly its proven this can be done, and this is no new concept. I have to trust that God gives moms the ability to mother multiple children, while ensuring they have the time needed with each of their children, and allowing the children to understand and accept and love each other. And, again, even though I know this, why do I still doubt??

I’ve had to come to another realization, that my faith is not where it should be, to be able to fully trust God, and completely turn my doubts and worries over to him. I don’t want to live with worries, as I’m not typically a “worrier” type of a person. I don’t want to finish my pregnancy full of doubts, and feelings of uncertainty, to where I can’t enjoy this amazing time in my life. And, I certainly don’t want to start Savannah’s life with anxieties, so that I can’t fully enjoy my time with her.

I have found some simple practices to lean in to God and allow those worries to subside. I’m not perfect, and I still have my days of doubt, but I do feel God’s peace taking over my life and filling me with that sense of “everything will be ok.” Below, I’ve shared my simple, but practical ways to deal with worry and draw closer to God, and I hope this helps any of you that have your own worries to deal with, or simply want a closer relationship with Christ.

  1. I start my day talking to God. I spend time in prayer, which for me is more like a conversation. I ask him to guide my heart and mind each day, and to equip me to handle whatever my day will hold. I ask him to take away my doubts, fears, and worries, and to fill my heart with his peace.
  2. I spend time in His word. After talking to God, I take time to read his truths and learn from him and what he has to say and speak to my life. I do this with a daily devotional and Bible reading that correlates with that day’s reading. I recently found a new book, New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp, which was recommended to me by a close friend, and I already feel its effects on my life. Not only does it feel as if its speaking directly to me, but it ties in what God, and the Bible, has to say about each topic. It’s very relatable and I love the daily encouragement and challenges. {See below for direct link to this devotional book}
  3. I openly communicate with God throughout the day. After my morning routine, my days tend to get a little hectic. With a toddler, my day is not my own, and I’m constantly meeting the demands of a two year old, while trying to remain sane! Therefore, my focus is always shifted from that calm, peaceful mindset, to mommy “go-mode” pretty quickly. In order to remain calm and stay connected to God throughout my day, I leave the door open for constant prayer and communication. I go to him when times are tough, when my toddler is screaming and I don’t know what to do, when I need his guidance on a decision in my life, whatever. By staying close to him, I notice I am more at peace and sense his presence all day long, instead of a short-lived moment of him speaking to me.
  4. I listen to worship music. As a singer and dancer, I’ve always been naturally driven by music in my life. Because of that, I am constantly listening to music. In the morning, when I workout, when I get ready, when I’m driving, when I’m relaxing, when I’m hanging out with friends, when I’m working on a blog post ;)..you get the point. But, after always listening to just any music, I decided to listen to worship music more, off and on throughout the day, and allow God to speak to me through the lyrics to beautiful, uplifting songs. And, I always feel so much more encouraged, moved, shaken-sometimes to tears, because of the effects that music has on me. I notice I’m in such a better place and have a more positive mindset when I fill my heart with meaningful music. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my pop, my reggae, my folk, my rock..it’s just nice to mix it up–I encourage you to try it!

These simple tools have really had such a positive impact on my life. I can promise, if you take these practices to heart, you will feel a heart and mind change, and experience the peace that only God can give you. I encourage you to find ways that work for you to grow your relationship with Christ, to allow him to speak to you and use you in ways you never thought possible. Does this mean my life is perfect because of this? Of course not, I’m human. I still fall short in every way possible, every day, but because of God’s grace and presence in my life, I have a different outlook, a different way to handle my problems, and a newfound joy and peace even during the difficult times–the kind of joy and peace God wants us all to experience.

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Check out his book, here.

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I hope you have found this encouraging, and even motivating for you to help overcome whatever doubts or worries you have in your life. We are meant for so much more and to live a life without fear! God bless!

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From my heart to yours,

Janalyn

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