Can I be real for a minute? I mean, raw, brutally honest, somewhat uncomfortably REAL?? I’m not really sure when being excited for women and offering a congratulatory remark turned to offering unsolicited advice, biased opinions, and down right rude commentary? Being a mama today is hard. SO hard. I don’t mean that babies have suddenly become more difficult over time and we suffer more than previous mamas.. No, unfortunately, it’s the mamas that have become more difficult over time and I’ve yet to figure out why we are so quick to attack one another instead of band together?? We have enough going against us–the screaming babies, the strong-willed toddlers, the “threenagers”, the rebellious teenagers..We need mamas on our side that we can relate with, when no one else understands. But, why is this increasingly difficult??
I feel like we can’t do anything without being questioned or scrutinized, and no matter what we do, we’re being judged. From the moment I became pregnant with my first, women were so quick to tell me everything I needed to do and everything I must never do, and my excitement soon turned to worry. I was stressed when I should’ve felt blessed. I remember feeling guilty when I didn’t stick to the “must-do’s” or “must-dont’s” when they didn’t work for me, and feeling like a failure because of it! I remember feeling so defeated when after nearly 3 months of breastfeeding my baby girl, my supply completely decreased and dried up after suffering severe mastitis for 3 weeks, and I had to give my baby formula. I sobbed like a baby when I had to reluctantly give her a bottle, but my tears soon turned to joy when I saw my baby was actually full and satisfied. I was so nervous to tell other mamas that I could no longer breastfeed and that my baby was…formula fed. *gasp*
Even after explaining away why this was necessary for my baby and our unique situation, I STILL had mamas shame me and make me feel like I was making the biggest mistake for my child. But, here’s the thing. I shouldn’t have to explain anything to anyone. This is MY child. MY baby. MY gift from God and no one else’s. So, when did MY baby’s nutrition and development suddenly become YOUR problem to worry about?? And, do you really care about my child or is it more important to prove your point and push your opinion on me, to make me feel like a failed mother?
Because, honestly…that’s exactly how I felt. I’ve had to learn the hard way to wear thick skin and stick to my guns. There is nothing like a mother’s intuition, and we know exactly what is best for our babies, and NO ONE or NOTHING should ever make us feel otherwise. I was hopeful, thinking this was just a first-time mama problem, but oooooh, was I so wrong..
From the moment I announced that I was having a second baby, the on pour of questions and unsolicited advice began to overwhelm me once again. Do you know how many people have already asked me if I’m going to breastfeed?? Ummm…What?? Again, why does this concern you?? People are also so quick to discourage me about ever getting my body back. Like, as if, having one baby is no problem, but TWO babies?! You might as well throw in the towel, give up, crawl into a hole and accept that you’re never going to be able to rock your skinny jeans again. I’ve also been told that I won’t be able to handle a toddler and a newborn. That I should just accept defeat and never leaving the house for 12 months. And, my favorite..”What are you having??…ANOTHER girl??…Did you wish it was a boy??…Oh, wow, you’ll have your hands full!…Oh, dear, get ready for constant drama!…How does your husband feel–he must be disappointed?…Do you think you’ll have a third to try for a boy?”…
Can I tell you how deep this one hurts?? As if I should be upset about the child that was given to me that I have absolutely NO control over. As if I should feel like a failure because I couldn’t give my husband a son. As if I should wish I was given something different, that if I had a boy my life would be so much better somehow, that I should accept having two girls is not something to be excited about.. I even had anxiety before finding out what we were having, that if it wasn’t a boy, I would be disappointing people, in a way.. What?!..NO!!! This is NOT ok!! This is my child! My baby! My calling to be a mama to TWO beautiful baby girls, and I am 110% ok with this!! I’m better than ok with this, I am ELATED about this!!
This means I can give Charlotte a sister, a forever best friend, a special bond that I’ve never gotten to experience myself, another girl to share things with, to enjoy girly things with, to pass down special things to-including my middle name, to experience a new mother daughter relationship. BUT, why should I feel the need to have to explain to people why I am excited about my baby?? About the little life that’s growing inside of me..the little heartbeat that brings me to tears EVERY TIME I hear it..the squirmy, kicky bundle of activity that I get to feel on a daily basis..Why does anyone feel the right to steal my joy?
Honestly, I have yet to find an answer. But, what I have found is a good, support system of women around me that lift me up, encourage me, relate to me, understand me, and give me so much love that all the negativity just melts away…mostly.. I mean, I’m still human, and those comments still hurt, but at least when it’s all too much, I have a great backbone to turn to, along with my husband and family, to bring me back to reality. Because, the reality is, I am having a second baby girl, I will have a newborn and a toddler, it will be a challenge, but these are all GOOD things. These are all things to be excited about, to be thankful for, to be able to talk about with positivity. This is what I was given by God, who saw it fit for our family, who blessed me to be a mother of two daughters, and I couldn’t feel more proud.
I know I have a difficult, demanding, challenging road ahead. But, I also know just how rewarding motherhood is and I am so ready for this new challenge. And, I’ve never been a person to shy away from a challenge. 😉
Check out my adorable tee from Rachel Rene Designs and how I’ve styled it below. It is the softest polyester/cotton blend material and I love that it reflects how proud I am to be a girl mama! Check out her stuff here, she has amazing work!! Or, join her FB page, here for more designs, promos, giveaways, etc. ALSO, she can create anything custom for you, as well. Yes, please! 🙂
Girl Mama Tee is Rachel Rene Designs, and you can find it here.
Shorts are Altar’d State, and you can find similar ones here. ALSO, their shorts are all 2 for $50 right now! Go check em out!
Shoes are Adidas Originals, and you can find them here.
Flannel is Dry Goods, and you can find a similar style here. And, this one’s on sale for less than $20!
Hoodie Jean Jacket is Dry Goods, and you can find an almost exact same style here.
Black Athletic Leggings are Victoria’s Secret Sport, and you can find them here.
Black Quilted Sneakers is She Is Boutique, and you can find them here. At only $22, these are a freakin STEAL!!
Black Aviators are BP, and you can find them here.
Black Hoodie Leather Jacket is Dry Goods, and you can find a similar style here.
Black Athletic Cropped Leggings are Lululemon, and you can find them here.
Grey Sneakers are Mossimo, and you can find them here. They are on clearance right now for $12.50!! Go snag them before they’re gone!
From my heart to yours,